Nov 10, 2009

FIRST BLOG- a little about me and a my quest to believe in the beauty...

This is my first post on my official blog- how exciting! So...how do I give a shortened introduction of myself? Hmmm....Well I'm 24 (hence the 20Something in the title) and recently people have been asking me "Aren't you in law school?" So I think maybe I should start with answering that question...

Short Answer: No
Detailed Answer: Law School induced what felt like a mid-life crisis in August. (See Below)

You see, I was in my first year of law school last year. I should have been happy, I should have been confident, I should have been finding myself- unfortunately everything was the exact opposite for me. I was miserable, I was doubting everything I was doing, everything I have ever accomplished and I was losing myself.

I completed the awful first year (and yes its as dramatic exhausting and tedious as people claim it to be) I was overworked, overcaffeinated and overtired. I had the summer off where I worked for a Judge, spent almost every weekend at my beach house and went on a Euro-Vacation to Paris and Belgium! It was a great summer-until I remembered that in August I was due to go back to the hell that I call law school. (Wah Wah Wahhhhhhhh BOOM)

Then it hit me. Why the hell was I torturing myself? Why was i forcing myself to do something that I hated? I thought about this.... and came up with possible answers:
  1. "It would be worth it in the long run" -No that didn't see like it would pan out. If I hate it already, its not going to miraculously get better. Truth is, I'll probably still hate it in 10 years.
  2. "I'm supposed to like law school, I have been working toward this goal my whole life!" - Well that doesn't work, because, even though I was SUPPOSED to like it, I didn't- end of story.
  3. I got it... How about because "They say that if you like to read and write, then law school is the place for you." - This one I had to spend some time with. This one brought up a few questions. First of all....WHO the hell are the infamous "THEY" and second where the hell are "they" because I'd like to find them, smack them in the face, and inform them of how wrong they are.

So much for finding a reason to keep torturing myself...then I found a solution to my dilemma. Enter Solution:

I hate law school, but I DO like to read and write. In fact I love to read and write. Even more, through all of my frustration and misery of the past year I have been writing just for myself. I have been using writing as an avenue to vent my frustration. I have been writing as a desperate attempt to hold onto who I really am. I am passionate about writing because- I'm a writer-

I'm a writer? That sounds weird to say- REAL writers are people who get published and go to book signings at Borders and Barns & Nobles. REAL Writers work at magazines and newspapers. REAL writers create pieces that people read and respect. Wow how great would it be a REAL writer?! I want to be a REAL writer!

So in August I dumped Law School and decided to start believeing in the beauty of my own dreams and ditch the crap about what i'm "supposed" to do. So, I applied to a Master's Program at St. Joseph's University in "Writing Studies!" I've been applying to jobs in my new field, and I started this blog. I'm on the road to being a REAL writer.

Yes I know the economy sucks and this may be the worst time in history (with the exception of the great depression) to be making major life changes- but what are you gona do? All begginnings are scary so what better time than now? Hey....this is what people do when there 20something!

SHORT AND SWEET...AKA...MORAL OF THE BLOG (In law school they say "condense the nonsense!" I never really caught onto that concept but here is my best attempt.) --> This is a blog about a nobody from suburban Philadelphia who went to law school with a hefty resume, and a transcript chock full of coveted "A’s" all to realize that everything wasn’t all its cracked up to be. Sometimes what your supposed to do is overrated and what you dream of doing is "do-able."

Maybe you can identify with my situation, understand where I'm coming from, or are just plain interested (even if you think I'm full of shit and have made the biggest mistake of my life) follow my blog and come along for the ride!

xoxo

Lana

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
-Eleanor Roosevelt

5 comments:

  1. Wow Lana, I think there is A LOT to be said here. Fist and foremost, hey stranger :) It’s been a long time! I am glad to see that you are doing well…

    I can’t put into words how truly excited I am to see that you were brave enough to break the mold, and follow your dreams. I don’t mean that in the cheesy “You’re going to be the next Rock Star” way, but more as words of encouragement for you. I believe whole heartedly that it takes a strong and courageous person to step outside their comfort zone, and follow their heart. Logic would lend itself to finishing law school, being a droid to the system, and trudging down that path - ultimately leaving you with the feeling of dissatisfaction. The what-ifs would most definitely haunt you, even in the most successful future from your past career path.

    I fear that many of us have an idea of what we’d like to do or be in life. We go through years and years of work and school, in an attempt to prepare ourselves for that “real” job in the “real” world… the one we’ve had our head set on since we can remember. We do this in hopes that when we reach our ultimate goal; we’re ready to handle whatever is thrown at us. But even after all of this, we’re never prepared for the curveball life sometimes throws our way. We reach the end and realize that this new job or role or experience isn’t what we had dreamt it would be. Now that’s not to say that we don’t create great life experiences, and learn valuable life lessons through all of this. However, we gave it a shot and it just wasn’t right for us. Many people are able hit the nail on head; from day one they know what they want to do, achieve it, and find true joy in what they do. For some us, that is not the case. We suck it up, try to find the joy in what we are doing and make the best of it. But some of us (like yourself) take the time re-evaluate and redefine themselves. They follow their heart, and because of this, emerge a stronger, happier, focused, and unstoppable force, ready to take on the world. And I know that is exactly what you’ll do :)

    So again, I commend you on taking this new life path and wish you best of luck in all of your future endeavors.

    Sincerely,
    Yashar

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  2. Great Job Lana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Fondly, Andrea Vergata

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  3. Nice piece Lana! I am sure there are many out there who are not bold enough to say law school is not what it is hyped to be...hey but why am I surprised? Aren't lawyers and law students meant to be choked with their own egos.

    I am happy that you are enjoying what you are doing. I am sure the President of the United States will need a speech writer soon..so Mr. President,I recommend this blog!

    ~'Yomi

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  4. Hello Lana,
    Seriously, when I was a young boy people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always answered "bigger". I remember getting strange looks but at that age that was what I thought they were asking. Now that I am older (not ever completely grown up and never ever will be)I realize they were asking me what I wanted to do for a living when I grew up. Even that was wrong in my eyes now. So many people describe themselves or identify who they are by what they do for a living/job. I don't live to work, I work to live. I am so much more than what I do for a living. In fact, in my eyes that is nothing to me but a means to my real life. I don't believe there is such a thing as growing up. (Until I am dead, I will always be growing in some way). I believe life is a journey being experienced at many different levels of ones life/existence. Teenagehood was the hardest to understand if not impossible. Life is too short. I don't have enough time to experience all that I want too. As a young adult I remember not including "time" into the equation of life. But now that I am older that is all I have left is "time". Don't forgot about time in your venture. Before you know it there will be no time left. So go get-em.
    You are great writer!
    Rick

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  5. O.k. To start, Hello Beautiful inside and out!!!! I have read YOUR WHOLE Blog... ande I have to say... YOU already know who you are and what you are. You have to realize where you are going! You are headed for great things and you are an inspiration to all who meet you!!
    ( I will comment on the where you are going part in a minute.) :0)
    When you were little you had a special essence about you! Something of an "IT" factor if you will. Trust me, I was around you alot back then.. and seeing and hearing you speak now.. WOW holly hell you are amazing.
    When I started to read your blog I thought about and was curious what you would ctually write about. As I atarted the first paragraph the content was full and packed with anticipation of wanting to know more. More about what you had to say, what you thought about it and what was going to be said.... NEXT!!!!! LOL I am talking now again about the "IT" factor in your writing.
    So with out me saying so...
    When will your first book be published???
    Lana, you are such a great writer and all I can see are great things comming of it!!!
    Good Luck and I can say I am a fan already!!!
    Love you and hope in my short time with you, I was able to inspire you as a young woman...
    Love Hugs and Smiles,
    "Pookie"
    Angela

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PLEASE feel free to leave me a comment (if you don't have a google account, use "Open Id" or "Anonymous" and you can let me know what you think about any of my posts....also click the link above to "follow" my blog! :)

xoxo
Lana